My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
