dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
