she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
