He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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