I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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