I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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