end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize