I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He better not be in your backpack
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
