We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was born a porn star she said
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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