Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize