Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
