need another drink. this is the easiest way
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
