I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He did a backflip because drugs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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