the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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