He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
