I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
