remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think I am morally bankrupt
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
