Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
