I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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