at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
