Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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