Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
