Your face is a jimmy john
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
