I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
