sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
