I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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