The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think people are normalizing furries
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize