My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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