I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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