a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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