woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
