is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
