Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think people are normalizing furries
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
