How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
