and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the day after is always just damage control
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
