I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
