3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize