I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
