Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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