chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
someone owes me an orgasm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
