I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize