bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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