ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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