I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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