Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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