Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
