Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
