Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
