What did we do last night that was yellow?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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