This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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