we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My ATM looks so different sober.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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