I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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