If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize