Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
