What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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