you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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