im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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