bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
