i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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