hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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