so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
