Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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