do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
