where am i from again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it glows. i had to have it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
