He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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