clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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