Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
