I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
