do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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