If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
