i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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