lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
